Random Thoughts

Friday, April 9, 1999

This thing with Jev running off in the afternoon and early evening and goofing off, and me going out on the porch to read and stitch and have dinner, seems to be working out pretty well. I didn't have dinner out there tonight, but it was much cooler, and actually I got caught up reading and then playing computer games, so I never ate dinner until around eight or nine anyway.

Anyway, it seems to give us both what we've been needing: a chance to get away from the computers and out of our rooms. Granted, that means that we have less time to spend together; I'm not sure, but I think maybe we're making better use of that time together. Getting out of our rooms seems to do us both some good though; maybe we should have been doing more of this all along.

But then, during the winter, I can't really go out on the porch and be comfortable in the evenings, and I feel like my room is the one part of the house where I can be and Mom generally won't come bother me. So more or less, I get caught in a trap of my own making.

This morning, Jev read my entries from yesterday, and he clarified a few things about his mom living with us... things he'd told me then, but I'd somewhat forgotten in the interim. First off, it would be when we had a house, and preferably a house with a finished basement, so she could basically have her own self-sufficient apartment. We wouldn't necessarily see her -- and I hope he didn't think I expected her to cook for us; I know going back and reading that, it sounded like I might -- but then again, she might like having someone around for company, too. And as I said, we both enjoy needlework stuff, and she likes watching movies and going shopping, so I'm sure we'd find some things we could do together.

In at least one respect, I'm looking forward to living in an apartment again for a while. In an apartment, you have lots of neighbors, and it just seems a lot easier -- to me -- to strike up friendships, because you see each other so often. Living in a house is something that I haven't done a whole lot of in my life, and I guess I'm kinda used to the apartment community. I like living in a house, because you don't hear the people next door arguing late at night, or the kids upstairs jumping and running around and making it sound like your ceiling will fall in; but I miss the little benefits that you have in an apartment, that are extravagances in a home... like a swimming pool.

I used to practically live in the pool during the summer, back in California. I had an innertube, and I'd float around in that, with a can of soda and a book, and just soak up the sun (yeah, I know... that's not really all that good for me without sunblock), and once in a while I'd put the book and drink somewhere safe, and do a few 'laps,' kicking across the pool in my innertube. For a while, I really got myself into pretty good shape -- for me -- but then I let it slide again, when I got hit with a bunch of worries and went into a slump. Being in the water and letting it support my weight really felt great on my back, too.

Wherever we wind up living, I'll be with Jev and away from my mom. That in itself means I'll have a lot more freedom, even if it's only psychologically different than being here. Being with the one I love, and having the freedom to do what I want, when I want to do it, sounds like a great deal to me. I can't wait to get there!