What a Weekend

Monday, June 21, 1999

Well, I survived Jev's trip, and the weekend, but I suppose I could have done a better job of it than I ended up doing.

Wednesday night, Jev's mom was supposed to call and let us know if she would be coming up or not. We were a little surprised when she said she wouldn't be coming after all, and Jev felt bad about leaving me here alone. I tried to reassure him that I'd be okay, and he did take me out to the library to replenish my reading stash, but I think he was relieved when we had another message on the answering machine when we got home; his mom had changed her mind again, and would be coming.

Jev asked her to tell me that I didn't need to go into a cleaning frenzy, because she really didn't mind if the place was a little messy; when he handed the phone to me so she could, she told me that they had decided not to come at first (she and Jev's sister), because they didn't have the money. But apparently Jev's dad gave them some money for gas and food, and so they were coming after all.

The apartment inspection and spraying on Thursday went really easy, and there wasn't any mess to clean up afterward; I've lived in apartments where they spray tons of insecticide in every nook and cranny they can find, and the place smells to high heaven until it's properly aired out. Here though, I spent an hour up at the clubhouse on the hill, and when I came back, I could hardly tell anyone had even been in the place. I still gave it a good airing out, and then proceeded to put most everything away, and do a little minor cleaning, since I was expecting Jev's family to show up between 4 and 5.

Around 4 or so, I got a phonecall from Jev's mom, saying they were on their way, but it would probably be another couple hours before they arrived, so I got comfy and settled in to read in the interim. I got quite a way into my book, and I was just biting into a nectarine to take the edge off my appetite, when the knock came on the door around 5:30. They brought their things in and got settled, and then we all talked for a bit, and decided where to go for dinner.

After dinner, we came back to the apartment, and spent the evening mostly making small talk, and watching a little television, while I waited for Jev to call from his hotel. The call didn't come until fairly late, and two other calls came before that, one for each of my guests. By the time the third call came, I almost didn't expect that one to be for me, but it was.

Once that call came, everyone headed off to bed, and I read for a little while (and had some cheese and crackers, as I was hungry yet again) before turning out the light and going to sleep. I think the cats spent more time in the guest bedroom than in ours, but according to Jev's mom and sister, they weren't much of a bother (which I hope is true).

Friday, we set off to do some shopping, and I surprised myself by navigating us to all the local shopping places we wanted to hit, without a hitch. I didn't realize I'd learned my way around as well as I had, but I still need to learn more of the area. We hit two malls, and then a factory outlet store over in Salem, and then we stopped at an ice cream parlour on the way back home. I was pretty beat after all our running around, and I must admit that I was quite happy when Jev arrived home about three hours earlier than expected.

We all visited for a while, and then it was bedtime, and I gave Jev just a bit too good of a backrub, I think; he was asleep before I even got settled in, and I spent a while just lying there and watching him in the dark, wishing we were curled up together.

Saturday morning rolled around, and I think Jev got up and fed the cats for me, and then proceeded to get dressed. I was a little slow in rolling out of bed, still a little tired from our running around Friday I think, and he asked if I minded if he played some games (on the playstation). I said no, and he headed out to the living room, while I tried to decide what to wear.

I'd heard his mom having a bowl of cereal, but I could tell from the conversations in the living room that his sister didn't eat. I'd woken up hungry, but I really didn't feel like going out to breakfast again; I'm more of a lunch kind of person. So I didn't say anything about being hungry, and when I went out into the living room, I plopped down on the sofa behind Jev as he played his games.

Jev, of course, got wrapped up in his games, and I started feeling bad that we had company, and we were more or less neglecting them. I eventually mentioned something to him when his mom and sis were out having a smoke, and I guess I chose my words badly, because I made him feel bad about it. From there, things just seemed to spiral downward. Mom and sis went out to breakfast at our suggestion (I was still hungry, but I was feeling rather stressed, with the four of us together, and really didn't want to so much as look at eggs), and not long after they got back, Jev announced that we would be going to lunch at 11:30 (only an hour or so away).

Before long, mom and sis decided that they would load up their things, go to the mall, and head back home from there. I was relieved that they would be going soon, and at that point, I was in barely functioning mode, just sitting quietly in my chair, methodically turning my old Missouri library card into so much plastic confetti. There were hugs and goodbyes exchanged, and then they were off.

After smoothing out a few misunderstandings, and me cleaning the litterbox, Jev and I were eventually off, too. Nothing he wanted to do sounded good to me, and so we finally just settled on going to lunch, and deciding what to do from there. It still took a while for our day to get into full swing, and Jev spent most of it spoiling me terribly, trying to make up for being gone, and making me unhappy, and all the other things he felt that he'd done wrong. I wanted to do things that would make him happy, too, but he insisted that making me happy was what he wanted to do.

We went to the two needlework stores I'd found through the phone book, and at the first, I found a really cute dragon piece from Dragon Dreams, that I just had to have. The lady there seemed really nice, and she had three companions there, two feline and one canine, who kept an eye on us and made sure we behaved ourselves. The second store seemed to cater more to needlepoint, and I didn't find anything there of much interest to me, but Jev found a cross stitch pattern for his school logo, and while he didn't get it, I think he might like to have something like that.

After the shops, we hit a new gift store that had just opened up next door, and I bought a cute little Boyd's bear angel bear. Then a few more doors down, we had ice cream. Our next stop was Tanglewood Mall, where Jev got himself some nice sunglasses, and we looked in the Hallmark (for Cherished Teddies) and Babbages (just to see what they had), but the glasses were all we bought. I don't remember whose idea it was to go to the movies, but we went and saw Phantom Menace again, and then headed home, where we had a frozen pizza for dinner (baked, of course).

When we got home, we found a note on the door, from Jev's sister, telling us to look on the patio, where they'd come back and left us a little something; she also reminded us to water our plants. When we looked, we saw that they'd found a plant hangar extender, so my flowering vine basket would be hanging at eye level, instead of up almost out of Jevim's reach.

Sunday, we headed down to Greensboro, NC, and if it weren't for my big mouth, I think we would have had an all around nice day. As it was, Jev was trying to make a sharp turn in a parking lot, and we bumped up against a curb. Before I knew what I was doing, I said, "There's a curb there, babe...," and the damage was done.

I tried to tell him that it was just a silly comment I would have said if I were with Mom and she'd done the same thing, and that I hadn't meant it to be hurtful, but he didn't take it that way. When I laid my hand on his leg as I do sometimes when he's driving, he pointedly ignored it, so I said nothing. A few more miles down the road, I got up the courage to ask what was wrong (since I'd apologized for what I'd said, and I thought it had all blown over), and he made it clear that it was my comment at the root of the problem. I apologized again, and I thought this time he would accept that, but then he said something like, "I guess I'll just have to start finding more curbs for you!" That really hurt, and I turned away, not really wanting him to see me cry.

Neither of us said much of anything for the rest of the way home. As we were coming close to Roanoke, he said that we'd be passing most of the restaurants, and to tell him if there was someplace that sounded good. I was feeling like scum, so I didn't say anything... I doubt I could have eaten much, anyway. I thought he would just stop someplace and grab a bite for himself, but we headed straight home, only stopping to fill the tank.

When he pulled into a parking space, he rammed into the concrete marker, giving the car a good jolt. I looked over at him, not certain if it had been intentional, and there was such anger in his eyes, I couldn't do anything but gather my wits and my purse, and get out of the car. He popped the trunk, and I got out the ice crusher I'd bought (I love slushes, snow cones, or just about anything with crushed ice), and followed him in, fumbling for my keys because I was almost certain he would shut the door in my face and leave me to let myself in.

He did leave the door ajar, and I got in, dropped my things, and fed the cats. Then I relieved my bladder, and came into the spare bedroom, where I kicked off my shoes, and crawled under a blanket on the bed. I was shivering and so cold, I thought I'd gotten sick.

I eventually warmed up, and if I hadn't been wearing my contacts, I would have just stayed there until I fell asleep. But I had to get my lenses out, so I got up, folded the blanket, and headed back to the closed master bedroom door. I tapped very softly, neither expecting nor receiving a response, and let myself in. He was in the bathroom, with the door closed, and so I changed into my pajamas and crawled under the comforter, shivering violently again.

I'd been warmed up for a little bit when he came out, and when he saw me in the bed, he stalked out of the room. I hurried into the bathroom and went again, then washed up and took out my lenses. I wasn't long out from under the covers before I was shivering again, and so I got out the digital thermometer, and took a reading. Only a degree above normal, and I wasn't sniffling or sneezing or anything, but I'd never had that sort of thing happen to me before. I guess I was so scared that I had screwed things up for good, that my body just went into shock.

I didn't hear anything from the living room when I got out of the bathroom, so I came out, and looked around in the semi-darkness (it was about 8:30 or so). I saw Jev's wallet and keys on the table. Otherwise, I would have been certain that he'd left. Still, I didn't see or hear him, and so I came creeping down the hall, and called out his name. There was movement from the bed, and after I looked for a moment, I realized he was lying there, where I'd been curled up under the blankets just a short while before.

It took us a long time to get things straightened out; I still feel the need to be comforted and reassured -- wrapped in warm, loving arms, until the ache inside goes away. It still hurts a bit that never did he apologize... not for saying that he'd be sure to find more curbs at me... or for slamming us into the concrete marker when we finally got home, but I don't suppose he sees those things the same way.

After all of that, today was just another ordinary day: four loads of laundry washed and folded and put away, a kitchen partly cleaned up, and now waiting for me to come make dinner. I slept a lot of this morning away, and spent time between tending washer and dryer with one of my library books. The most exciting happening was having to call maintenance and have someone come and put a new battery in our one smoke detector; it had apparently started beeping while we were gone yesterday, and while Jev tested it and it behaved for a few hours last night, it's been annoying me off and on.

Now I have a Peanut snoozing on the folding chair beside me, and it's time for me to wrap this up and go see about making something good for dinner. Part of me hopes Jev might bring home some little peace offering tonight, even if he doesn't apologize for the things he said and did, but ... I guess it's just a guy thing, and he doesn't think he did anything wrong. *sigh* Are all relationships like this one? Admittedly, ours is a lot more more good than bad, but sometimes the bad times really make me wonder.