Making Wishes

Thursday, July 15, 1999

My mom's often said that she wanted me to live as normal a life as possible, to do the things that other kids get to do, because we never really knew how long I'd have.

One of the things she did for me was to get in touch with the people from the Make A Wish Foundation, to see if they would grant me a wish. Well, this was all her idea, and I guess a part of me resisted it, because in a way, it was admitting that I was different, and I wasn't really expected to grow up, to become an adult.

But she got in touch with the proper people through the work she did for the United Way, and I guess it was the fall after I graduated from high school that things fell into place.

I guess I wasn't really ready for that... I really didn't know what I wanted. At the time, what I really wanted to do was to meet Steve Wariner, who I thought was the greatest singer/guitar player/songwriter and all around nice guy. But I was a very shy seventeen year old, and I never really admitted to that.

Mom's suggestion that came up was that I would get to meet the Judds, and go on their tour bus and go to a concert. I was really into Star Trek at the time, too, and the idea I came up with was to go and see an actual filming of an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, which was in production at the time.

When the couple from Make A Wish came over and interviewed me (and Mom), they asked for two 'wishes,' and so I told them both, mostly hoping for the trip to Paramount's studios, but also wishing that I'd had the nerve to ask for a chance to meet Steve Wariner. Not that I didn't want to meet the Judds -- I had all their tapes, and knew all the words to all the songs -- but at the time, I guess the thought of being on the set of ST was more glamorous and exciting.

It wasn't long after the interview -- maybe a week or two, I really don't remember -- when we got a call back, saying that the Judds had agreed to have me as a guest at their concert at the Greek Theatre in L.A. and let me come backstage to their dressing room to meet them. I was excited, of course, and I don't really remember regretting my choice after that.

They gave us four tickets -- one for the person from Make A Wish, who would chauffeur us, one for me, one for my mom, and one for whomever I chose. I don't know why I didn't think to invite my dad, at the time; I guess I thought he wouldn't like it -- I remember turning Garth Brooks on the radio once when I was with him, the live version of Friends In Low Places, and he said it made him nervous and I had to change the station -- so I invited my friend Dee, from high school. She wasn't big into country, but I guess the thought of meeting a celebrity was interesting enough for her to say yes.

The night of the concert came, and we went to the show; I'd seen the Judds in concert once before -- I think also at the Greek -- but these tickets were only about 20 rows back, and even though we were down on the flat part of the stadium, they were the best seats I'd ever had at a big concert.

As the show wound down, we slipped out and made our way to the box office, where we were to be shown backstage. We were ushered into the "meet and greet" room, where there were hors d'oveures, and music on a big stereo (not the Judds; I think it was KZLA, the L.A. country station), and lots of people. We stood over against a wall for a few minutes, where someone had told us to wait, and then we were usherhed back into the sitting room of a dressing room suite.

After that, most everything is a blur. I remember Naomi and Wynonna sitting on a couch, and having me come sit between them, and Naomi asked me a few questions (couldn't tell you what), and I remember seeing the big diamond ring on her hand -- I think she'd just recently married Larry (can't remember his last name, shame on me), and I remember Wynonna trying to understand our Make A Wish "chauffeur" as he introduced himself. He had a thick Australian accent (he was the son or somesuch of the couple who'd interviewed me) and his name was Peter, but it sounded more like Pay-tuh, and we got a bit of a chuckle about that.

Mom had a camera, and I think it was Paytuh took a picture of the three of us sitting together on the couch, there in the dressing room. I was grinning ear to ear, but so shy I couldn't put more than two or three words together at a time, even with Naomi asking me questions... I hate to think what I would have been like, face to face with Steve Wariner, or on the set of Star Trek.

We only stayed in the sitting room a few minutes, but I must have smiled all the way home; I really don't remember the rest of the evening, except for a few moments in the back seat of Paytuh's station wagon, and then my big day was over. The film went to Fotomat, and was anxiously awaited. As fate would have it, Fotomat ruined the roll, but they managed to salvage at least some of the pictures, including one of the ones of me on the couch between two particular redheads.

Some time later, my dad said something -- my mom must have told him about my big night one time when he actually visited with her for a few minutes -- something about why hadn't I asked him to go; I felt a little bad, but like I said, I just didn't think he'd enjoy it at all, and want to go. If I had it to do over again, I guess I'd at least have asked him.

I don't regret having chosen meeting the Judds; it was definitely an exciting experience. But looking back, I see that at seventeen, I really didn't know what I wanted out of life. I'd never met my birth mother, never really been kissed, never gone to prom or grad night, or learned to drive a car. A couple of those things, I still haven't done, and a couple are lost to time forever.

To be honest, ten years later, I'm still not really sure what I want out of life. I have someone I love very much, who loves me back; I've met my mother, spent some time with her and gotten to know her a bit... if not prom, then at least I've been to a formal Christmas party, and not as someone's little girl they brought along because they had a spare ticket. Soon, I'll go to my high school reunion.

What would I choose today, if someone asked me what my fondest wish was? I still think meeting Steve Wariner would be cool... I've seen him in concert now, and wouldn't mind going again, but that wouldn't be my fondest wish.

I think being around to see the second and third movies of the new Star Wars trilogy is pretty high on my list -- especially if I could actually watch some of the digital magic being worked, putting all the actors and effects together into the finished pieces, helping with one little click of the mouse, or tap of a key. Or watching and listening as John Williams conducts the orchestra, maybe playing the triangle in one small section. Something like that, to be able to say I was a part of something so big, so amazing, that will live on for a long, long time.

Seeing an idea I have for a cross stitch design become a reality, through the creativity of someone like Teresa Wentzler; now that would be very cool.

But most of all, I just want to touch people; to somehow make them see, and understand what the world is like, from four feet, ten inches, and a little different from everyone else. To make them pause before they stare or look away, without meeting someone's eyes, just because they're different. To teach kindness and compassion and generosity... and to learn them for myself, when they are most difficult to embody.

Can I do that? How can I do that? Is this the way?