An Attention Span the length of an Ant

Friday, December 10, 1999

I have a short attention span when it comes to projects. Not really short, but short nonetheless. I do things in spurts.

A few weeks back, I was cross-stitching like mad; I must have put in 20 or 30 hours in a single week. Every morning, the first thing I did online was head to Teresa Wentzler's bulletin board, and see what's new, and then I'd throw a movie into the VCR or DVD player and listen and stitch. Now, I barely stitch at all, and that's usually just a few minutes here and there when Jev is playing on the computer, or watching TV. And I might hit the TW bulletin board if I think of it, but I rarely read much.

This week, it's been computer graphics. I've surfed, I've shopped, I've splurged, and I spent several hours yesterday, tinkering with a navigation panel for my site that I most likely won't even use. It was a first attempt, and I learned a lot from it, but I'll probably change my mind about it before it ever gets put to use.

If I ever go out and get a real job -- the kind Uncle Sam wants part of your pay for -- if it's something I'm going to be happy with, I think it's going to have to be the type where I work on a project for a short amount of time, and then move on to something else. Whether that project be writing documentation for a computer-related product (Jev's mention of a Tech writer position perhaps coming open comes to mind), editing manuscripts (heh, that's what I need, a job proofreading my favorite authors' new books!), or doing some sort of graphics work, I think the key is to find small projects -- maybe something new each week, and focus on them that way.

I wonder where I got this habit from? I can start a project, and get quite a way into it, and then suddenly my interest tapers off -- or something else steals it away -- and I'm off doing something else, leaving an unfinished project behind. It used to drive my mom crazy, so I don't think that's where I got it from; she can't start a project without finishing it.

It's not that I don't like finishing a project... I do like being able to step back and say, "Yes, I did it!" But ... it doesn't really bother me when I don't finish something. There's always later.

There's a part of me that wishes she could change that about me -- make me into a person who finishes what she starts, when she starts it -- and not four years later (I have cross stitch projects like that... several, in fact). But if I changed that part of myself, then I wouldn't be me... would I? Or would I? If it's something I really want to be, then I suppose it wouldn't make much difference.

I've tried in the past to get into the habit of finishing things... doing the cross stitching for the kit company was one attempt; but instead of inspiring me to finish, I felt very pressured, and the stitching just wasn't as enjoyable as it should have been. Stitching the baby afghan for the charity project was a bit rushed too, but I enjoyed that much more, maybe because I knew it was for a good cause, rather than just to earn a bit of money. I earn more money for web surfing through AllAdvantage than I did for stitching two small pieces for the kit company.

Sometimes, the task just seems so big -- The Castle cross stitch piece, or the thought of redesiging my website yet again -- that I just can't make myself work on it constantly until it's done. If I could just make myself do a little each day until it's done, and not make it the sole reason for my existance until it's completed, maybe that would work better... but I'm easily sidetracked into other projects.

As I was saying a few days ago (I think it was in a journal entry... I hope it was, anyway), I sometimes wish I could start over as a little kid again, and get things right this time. If only it were that easy.